Where did all the locals go?

I've looked. I've googled "things to do in L.A." and nothing good comes up. Nothing that exemplifies the city like it should. So... it begins. And I'm a native, born and raised in Los Angeles.

Last night, on Melrose, in a skanky bar with a bunch of sweating, drunk, young professionals... shmoozing. A bunch of shmoozing and some networking. Business cards being exchanged. And can you imagine!? Business Cards! In this day and age. How barbaric.

So, last night in this skanky bar, I shmoozed with these two young professionals from Michigan. And I tell them I'm from L.A. "Nobody's from L.A.!" And it's true. Where did all the locals go?
I've diverged. So, this is pretty much the beginning. I'm going to create a city guide. And if any one happens to read this... great.